I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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