He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Randomize
