fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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