Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
