Non-Jews are for practice
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
