her vagine was all disorganized.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Randomize
