So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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