I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Randomize
