dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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