he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
