Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
