it wasn't lemon gatorade
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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