Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
