I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Randomize