My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
