It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
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