Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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