Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
where are my eyebrows?
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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