apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
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