11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
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