I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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