this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
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