Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
