Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
