last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
