Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
