I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
