we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Randomize
