Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
