Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
