This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
