I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I just sucked dick on a ferry
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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