Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
