none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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