so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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