If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
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