I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
