Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
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