I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize