i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Randomize
