Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
