oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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