oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
