So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
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