did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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