I'd wear matching sweaters with you
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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