I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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