running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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