Have you finally orgasmed yet?
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
