I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Randomize
