You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize
