At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize
