So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
