Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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