Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
