Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
