OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Randomize
