You're completely useless in the revolution.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
