Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
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