Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
