I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
