Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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