And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
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