those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Randomize
