now i know why i became what i already was.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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