I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
