We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Randomize
