he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
