If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
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