his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
