I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Randomize