We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Rumble strips road head = magical
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize