OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Randomize
