imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
