Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
