Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Randomize
