Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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