i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
